Do you ever wonder why it's so much easier to doubt yourself than to believe you can do whatever you try? I wonder that. ALL THE TIME. I wonder that when I'm writing and thinking, This is garbage, isn't it? It is. I wonder that when I'm reading a book and thinking, I will NEVER be able to write like this.
Is it some kind of sick defense mechanism where, if you tell the universe ahead of time that you're going to fail, you'll feel like you covered the bases if said failure happens and then no one can accuse you of having false hopes and you can just shrug and say, "See? I told you so"?
The weird thing is that even with all that self-doubt, deep down, I really do believe that people can do whatever they want to do.
The key word there, of course, is WANT.
I hear people doubting themselves all around me, every single day. Not just friends and family and people I know, but strangers having conversations on the train, in a restaurant, passing by on the sidewalk.
I can't find a job. It's impossible.
You can't or you won't?
I can't take care of myself without him. I can't live alone.
You can't or you won't?
I can't write a good book.
I can't or I won't?
It's depressing, all of this negativity. Because there is ALWAYS a way to do something, if you really WANT to do it.
Here's a way I remind myself of that, every time I sit down at my computer:
Left row, top to bottom:
- Soon you will be sitting on top of the world.
- Good luck bestows upon you. You will get what your heart desires.
- The secret of happiness is not in doing what one likes, but in liking what one does.
- Right now you need to be patient.
Middle row, top to bottom:
- IT only gets better when YOU get better.
- Your present plans are going to succeed.
- We create our fate every day we live.
- When you have to make a choice and don't make it, that is in itself a choice.
- All the effort you are making will ultimately pay off.
Yeah, I know that these are arbitrary little pieces of paper that aren't grammatically correct or even logical half the time. And I know they are written in such a way that anyone cracking open the cookie would be able to apply the fortune to their own situations.
But who's to say that saving these words, reading them, and thinking about them every day won't make me start to believe them?
And who's to say that that won't help me achieve what I want?
I'm sick of doubting myself... aren't you, too?